yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
