oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
