I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
