so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
