i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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