Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
