One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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