i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
