exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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