I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
