So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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