i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
