I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
