good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
