I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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