24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
