So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
