it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
