Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
