i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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