She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
