Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize