I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
