Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
