Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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