True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
