i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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