I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
