theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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