Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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