We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
