The maid of honor just puked.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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