I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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