so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come see our sink grown plant.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
