you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
