If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
