Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
