yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
