I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
