Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
