i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
