Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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