Someone shit on the floor
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
