Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
