Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
