I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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