Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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