Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
