I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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