stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
